Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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