Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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