just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
