If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
