New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
