Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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