guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
