She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
