You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
