they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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