i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
