i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
