Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
