The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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