butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
