sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
