I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
