I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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