i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
