you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
