Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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