He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
