i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
