Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
