Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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