Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
