i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
