I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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