Four minutes until I can fart!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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