Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
