He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
