I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
