i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize