i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
