Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
