She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
