Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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