She tied me up with her honor cords...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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