I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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