never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize