Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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