You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
