If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
