seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
