Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
