sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
