I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
