Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
