piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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