Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
