he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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