he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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