We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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