I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
