Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
