On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
