and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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