I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
