i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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