I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
