In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
