Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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