just come out here and I will go home with you...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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