Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
