It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
