I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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