Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
