god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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