Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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