When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
