I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
