im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
