She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
