Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
