omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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