I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
