grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
