Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
