He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
