the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Come see our sink grown plant.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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