She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
