I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
