my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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