if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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