I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
