doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
