He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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